Lost
by Eressie
Summary: Merlin gets so very lost; will somebody find him or will he remain lost forever more?
1. Chapter 1- Mind over matter

**Lost**

By: **Eressie**

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Disclaimer: Don't own Merlin. Obviously.

Summary: Merlin gets so very lost; will somebody find him or will he remain lost forever more?

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**Chapter 1 – **Mind over matter

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Blurry. That was the first thing Merlin managed to process as soon as he opened his eyes. Cold and wet was the others after a minute had passed. He blinked a few times and rubbed his sore hands over his eyes. _Why were they sore?_

He tried to sit up and gasped as a vicious headache hit him like he had been stabbed right through the head with a sword. With his eyes clenched shut, he tried to continue to breathe. As soon as the worst pain had passed he tried to sit up again- slowly and carefully.

The effort left him panting and he leaned back against the tree. _Wait? What? Tree?_ And that was when he realized that he was in fact in a forest, and it had newly been raining. He sat there soaked, with a frown on his face. He tried to get the world to focus, but no matter how hard he blinked and rubbed his eyes; his sight remained blurry.

He had no idea how he managed to end up where he was, he had no memory of that had happened to him. He groaned and leaned forward to put his hands to the soggy ground. _On your feet, Merlin._ He told himself and after a few tries he managed to get himself standing- more or less. He was slouching badly against a tree that he had used for support to get up.  
He stood there gasping for air for a while, and he wanted nothing more than to just lie down again. Everything took too much effort.

He stubbornly stood where he was. _Mind over matter, Merlin. You got to get moving._  
He lifted his head and looked around; squinting his eyes. In what direction was he supposed to go? He did not know where he was! _Maybe it would be better to just stay where I am and hope that someone finds me?_ Gah, no! The thought was tempting but he took a deep breath and took his first staggering step forward not really letting go of the tree just yet though. He knew that if he fell down- he would probably not manage to get up again.

Still remaining standing after his first step he felt confident to take another and this time he would be forced to let go of the tree behind him. He tried to concentrate on another tree before him. It was just a few steps away. Just a few steps and he would be able to lean against it. Trembling and very wobbly he managed another step, and while holding his breath in concentration he managed a few more after that. As he leaned breathlessly against the other tree he smiled stupidly with his cheek pressed against the bark of the tree trunk.

"Small steps, Merlin," he slurred, "this is going just fine."

He coughed. _No talking for now. _He thought to himself, his throat felt sore and dry. He lifted his hand and wiped the sweat from his forehead and frowned as he looked ahead the best he could with his blurry vision. _Is it… getting darker?  
_  
It was, and fast. In a matter of seconds the forest was near pitch black and Merlin's eyes widened in fear. He stood still for a while, trying to process this new development. Then with a few dry gulps he tried to move forward again. Without not really seeing the next tree he could support himself against; moving was proving more difficult. The motivation he had been giving seeing his next goal before him, was now slowly disappearing as he stumbled forward with his arms outstretched. His steps were uncertain and his eyes were wide: moving rapidly as he searched for well, _anything_ really.

His fingers made contact with a tree trunk and with a gasp he gripped the thin tree with all his might. Breathing hard and with his forehead resting against the tree, he stood with his eyes closed and tried to focus on his breathing. _This should not be so difficult! _He thought frustrated.

His knees were shaking badly from the energy it took to keep him up, tears stung in his eyes because of the hopelessness of the situation. His trembling hands were holding onto the tree with all their strength, but still he felt that he was losing the grip.  
With a frustrated cry he fell down like a broken doll on the wet forest floor. He had no more strength to keep himself up and he cursed himself for being so weak. He sat there wheezing, with his back against the young tree and tried to blink away the wetness in his eyes.  
_I can't do this!_ He screamed in his mind. It was impossible! He had no strength!

He was shivering from the cold and his wet clothes clung to him like a second skin. He was crying and he pulled his legs to his chest and put his head on his knees. His arms were hanging loosely against his sides and his hands were clutching leaves and twigs on the ground.

With a small voice he whispered. _"__**Forbærnan.**__"_ Knowing that even if the twigs and leaves were wet, they would still be able to burn with his magic and give him warmth.  
But…nothing happened and nothing burned. He growled and glared down at the things he was clutching.

_"__**Forbærnan.**__"_ he repeated. _"__**Forbærnan!**__"_

The cold remained and he could not feel even a hint of his magic within him. With a frustrated scream he flung the leaves and sticks he was holding into the darkness with his last strength.

And then he broke down.

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Poor Merlin, it is looking really gloomy… will he be saved?  
A bit short chapter, it will get longer I promise :)

Apparently in this chapter the text is sometimes all in bold and I do not know why! It's fine most of the time though what I can see… weird.**  
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**Liking it? Do you want some more? Review please :)**

**/Eressie**


	2. Chapter 2 - In the dark

**Lost**

By:

**Eressie**

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**Chapter 2** – In the dark

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Merlin did not know how long he sat there, cold and so utterly alone. His body has never felt so heavy before, just lifting his arms took such an effort.  
He had tried again and again to cast spells, but not even the simple ones could he make happen.  
He struggled to breathe and he tried to hug himself for warmth. Trying to get up on his feet again was out of the question, his legs would not hold his weight.

Darkness surrounded him and it was making him claustrophobic. Trying to deal with the thick blackness around him; he kept his eyes firmly closed.

Creaking and snapping sounds from twigs being stepped on could be heard all around him, as well as strange voices that made Merlin a bit anxious. He never really could make out any words and he knew not if it was even human voices or not. He hoped it was just his imagination. But as one of the voices could be heard anew a little too close for comfort; he had a hard time trying to keep calm. He kept twitching at every sound he heard and he opened his eyes to try to see anything in the compact darkness. Here and there he thought he saw something in the corner of his eyes; a flickering of light, but whenever he focused on the spot it would be gone.

After what seemed like hours, he could feel something draw close. A strange, cold presence to his left and he sat frozen, barely breathing. He could feel something; _someone's _breath touching the side of his face. And he gagged at the rotten smell.  
If he could, he would draw back and start to run away, but he had just enough strength to remain sitting up.

"Please…don't." he managed to croak out.

And if the creature by his side could laugh or not, he did not know but Merlin was quite sure that it did laugh right then. Judging by its strange crackles it pressed out through its mouth.

Cold, sharp fingers caressed his face and Merlin tried to press himself further back against the tree behind him.  
He glanced to his right and was met with two piercing, white eyes that seemed to glow in the dark. He gasped, and the white eyes narrowed as he made the sound.  
It felt like the eyes were burrowing into his very soul and Merlin could not hold its gaze for long. He closed his eyes tightly and wished that the thing beside him would go away.

And to his relief, it did. As soon as he felt the creature depart, he let out the breath he was holding and opened his eyes to look around.  
He really wished then that he had kept them closed.  
All around him he could see white, glowing eyes in the forest; observing him. Some stood still, some were moving around. Most of them kept their distance but some were closer. Too close.  
Merlin felt frightened. He could not defend himself if these things attacked, whatever they were! And he could not run away.

He dared not to move, in case the creatures around him would find the movement threatening. What scared him most though, was that these creatures could see him very clearly but he could see nothing but their hallow eyes. He felt so exposed and vulnerable.

They kept watching him and he continued to be on guard. He would die here. He knew it. These _things _would finish him off; as soon as they were done terrifying him and taunting him by moving in close to poke their nasty, sharp fingers into his ribs and face.  
He wished somewhat that they would just kill him already. It was torture to just wait for what he knew was coming.

All of the sudden, the creature closest to him shrieked so loudly that Merlin thought his eardrums would explode. He covered is ears quickly with his hands and soon the other beasts started shrieking as well.  
They attacked! Merlin screamed and clenched his eyes shut.  
And then… nothing happened.

Everything was still; he could not hear anything anymore except for the ringing in his ears from the creature's sharp voices and the pounding of his heart in his chest.  
He opened his eyes in surprise and he thought that he would see the same darkness as before but no; something glowed in the distance. And of the creatures he saw no trace.  
His eyes hurt from the sudden bright light, but he could not make himself look away.  
He kept staring at it until a new voice could be heard, almost like a whisper.

"Merlin."

He jerked in surprise, he knew that voice! He looked around but saw no one; he hoped with all his might that he had not imagined it.

He gulped. "A-Arthur?" he asked uncertainly as he kept looking around trying to find the king that he heard. He saw no one. He felt the small hope, that had appeared in is chest, slowly weaken.

But the warm voice could be heard again, stronger this time. "Merlin."

Merlin started to cry, it was real, and he was here! "A-Arthur where are you, I cannot see you."

"It's all right, Merlin." Arthur's voice said gently.

Merlin shook his head. "No it's not, I-I can't get up. I am too weak."

"Yes, you can." Arthur said softly.

Merlin shook his head again, but Arthur was having none of it. "I know you can." the king said and Merlin took a deep breath.

He might not believe in his own powers anymore, but here was Arthur and he believed in him. That was enough.  
His hands shook more than ever as he leaned forward and put them on the muddy ground. Sweat ran down his face as he slowly managed to put his feet on the ground and pull himself up, pushing himself upward with his arms and with some help from the tree behind him.  
He stood panting with a small smile on his face, quite proud of his achievement.

"Arthur," he said, pausing to let himself take a couple of deep breaths, "what are you doing here?" he asked, not really sure if the king was actually there or not, but he did not care.

A smile could be heard in Arthur's voice as he answered. "Fetching you of course."

Merlin smiled a sad smile. "I- I did not think anyone would come." he said with a trembling voice.

"Don't be stupid, Merlin." Arthur's voice chuckled. "I will always come and find you if you lost your way."

Merlin chuckled, feeling much lighter at heart. "That's because you don't know what to do with yourself when I'm absent." he said jokingly and shook his head with a sigh. "I should have known that I could not get away from you that easily."

Arthur chuckled. "Now," he said, "come on."

Merlin frowned. "Where to? Which way?"

"Walk towards my voice, Merlin, focus on the light and follow that."

Doubt filled Merlin again as he tried to steady his shaking legs. "I don't know if I can…"

"Please," Arthur pleaded, "clotpole." he added with a desperate snigger.

"Still my word." muttered Merlin and decided that he might as well give it a try. The arrogant king even said please! He concentrated and tried to brace himself.

He barely knew how he did it, but he managed a few wobbly steps forward and then he grabbed hold on a tree for support. He smiled but his smile faltered as he looked up at the light there far ahead. Could he really make it that far? He had just gone a few tiny steps and already he felt drained.

"Merlin." Arthur said firm but gently.

Merlin nodded, yes he would make it. He had to, Arthur was waiting. What would the clotpole do without him? Camelot would fall. Quite literally, he imagined.  
After a moment to catch his breath, he continued to take a few more wobbly steps but this time he seemed more in control of his feet.

He may not be there in the flesh, but Merlin felt like Arthur was somehow was holding him up.

He tried to push away the thought that he actually might be going slightly mad. Talking and listening to his friend like this who he could not see? Most people would call that mad. But then again, much has happened in his life and nothing really surprised him anymore. He had learned not to question magic too much, because sometimes it did not have to make sense.

He figured that perhaps Arthur had come across a spell, with the help from Gaius, to guide him back to Camelot. _Wait… what? Arthur doing magic? Oh dear, I might be going insane after all…  
_  
But he was determined now and he held his head high as he concentrated on the light ahead. Behind him he could hear angry muttering and disappointed moaning from the creatures with the glowing eyes.  
Merlin ignored them. He slowly but certainly made his way forward and he did not look back.

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Looking better is it? Well, he is not saved yet…

Also this whole story was actually a one shot from the start, but it got too long so I chopped it in three parts! So that means, the next chapter will be the last. ;)  
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Liking it? Want some more? Review please :)**

/**Eressie**


	3. Chapter 3 - (Never) Give up

**Lost**

By: **Eressie**

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**Chapter 3** – (Never) Give up

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Merlin sat down heavily on a stone, breathless. _Walking. Such a thing to take for granted_. He thought as he wiped the sweat from his clammy brow.  
For him it felt like he had been running nonstop at his greatest speed for hours, but in fact he had just been walking slowly for barely one. He felt so tired, his body was exhausted.  
He looked at the light that shined in the distance and it felt like he was no more near it now than he was when he started walking. He wondered if he ever would reach it. He groaned and stretched out his legs. Why was he so tired? He could not find an explanation. He was not injured in any way, he knew that much anyway and he did not feel sick. Still his body and mind were exhausted… he wished he could remember what happened to him and how he ended up in the middle of nowhere.

His clothes were still wet from the rain, but now he was not so sure if they perhaps remained wet because of all the sweating.  
He wiped his face with his sleeve and took a few deep breaths before standing up again. Dark spots danced before his eyes when he was back on his feet and he needed a moment to clear his vision.  
He was walking again, stumbling his way onward with aching feet that felt heavy as stones. He was close to trip several times but amazingly he kept his balance.  
Arthur spoke to him several times. Urging him on, keeping him moving towards the light. Merlin did not care if Arthur's voice was a hallucination or not, it helped him none the less. It was comforting and he did not feel so alone.  
He did not know why Arthur wanted him to move forward like this, but he had no other option any way. He did not want to stay in the forest!

The creatures with the hallow eyes had left him, or at least he liked to think so. But every now and again a shadow would appear behind a tree or a stone and look at him with those creepy eyes. And every time Merlin looked back directly at them; they would disappear. It made him shudder.  
The forest looked much brighter now; it almost looked like daylight-_almost_. And it made Merlin more at ease. The light he was walking towards looked brighter as well, almost like the sun. What exactly the glow was, he did not know, but he could not wait to find out.

The ground felt soft under his boots, and he felt like for each step he took his foot sunk deep into the ground trapping it there and then he had to struggle to get it out.  
Half an hour ago he had tried to call Kilgharrah so that he could fly him home. But the great dragon had not come and Merlin could not feel the bond that he shared with the mighty beast. That, together with not being able to use or feel his magic made him despair. Trying to keep his hopes up; he tried to push the miserable feelings aside, they only made him feel weaker.  
He was on his last strength now; he did not have much left in him. Everything spun around him, and his shaking limbs could barely hold him upright.  
He stopped walking and stood still. Staring blankly down at the ground. He had had enough. He was too tired to go on.

"Merlin," Arthur's voice seemed to echo around him, "don't give up."

Merlin shook his head, but immediately regretted that decision as he almost fell over. He was so lightheaded!

He blinked and tried to swallow the hurtful lump he felt in his throat. "I don't think I can do this anymore." he whispered hoarsely.

"Merlin."

Merlin frowned and Arthur's voice sounded nearer now. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he recoiled at the touch and whipped his head to the side. The blond man beside him smiled at his startled reaction and held his hands up as a sign that he meant no harm.

Merlin's eyes widened and he felt himself opening his mouth and closing it several times without being able to speak. "Arthur." he laughed astonished. "I can't believe you're here!"

Arthur chuckled. "Where else would I be?" he asked and put his hand on Merlin's shoulder again. "Come, sit down over here, you look dead on your feet."

Merlin nodded. "I am…" he wanted nothing else but to do just that, but still he hesitated. He frowned. "But, I… I thought you wanted me to keep walking towards the light?"

Arthur snorted and looked around. "What light? It looks more like a small sparkle if nothing else!" he said, sounding like he was trying to belittle the light, and Merlin frowned at his strange words. "You will not reach it no matter how hard you try, so why not just rest here for a bit?"

"Arthur-"

"What, Merlin?" Arthur laughed. "Come now, rest you weary bones and I'll make us some food."

Merlin nodded- giving in. Rest sounded lovely! He felt like he could sleep for years and it would probably still not be enough. And food! Now that he thought about it he was starving!

"Merlin!" Arthur's voice interrupted his though of sleep and food. And Merlin looked up at Arthur at his side but the voice had not come from him.

"Wha…"

"Merlin!" the voice exclaimed again; interrupting the warlock. Merlin glanced towards the light- the voice came from there! How odd. "That is not me," the voice said again, "ignore him, and continue to follow my voice!"

The Arthur at his side snorted. "Would I really have you walking like this? Exhausted as you are? Don't listen to him, he's fake. I care for your welfare, my friend, come let us rest." 'Arthur' said and tried to coax him to the side.

Merlin felt torn. Which Arthur should he listen to? This one felt and looked real, the other one was just a voice… it was probably just a hallucination. But then again… so could this real-looking Arthur be as well. He looked back and forth between the light and the man at his side. He should stay. He was so worn-out and here was his best friend offering him a break from the torment of trying to move around in a too weary body.

"Come on, you idiot." was the only thing that the 'voice-Arthur' said, interrupting Merlin's thoughts.

The warlock's eyes widened. _That_ was the real Arthur, it had to be! The one at his side were being way too nice to him.  
He frowned at the fake Arthur at his side, and he hoped that he did not make the wrong decision. He shook off 'Arthur's' hand on his shoulder and took a few steps forward and away from the man.

Arthur looked hurt and stretched out his hand after the warlock. "Where are you going, my friend? Stay. Please stay."

Merlin shook his head. "You're not Arthur. I don't know who you are. You are probably not even here, you just a trick my brain made up."

It hurt him to walk away from 'Arthur'. The heartbroken look on the fake king's face almost made him stay longer. But he could not, he was not real. He hoped he was not real.  
He continued to walk and the Arthur he had met did not try to stop him anymore, and it made him more confident that he had been right. If it indeed had been the real Arthur, he would have made it near impossible for Merlin to leave. The king would surely have tried to knock him unconscious or something because he would not have let Merlin walk away from him that easily.

Merlin walked and walked, ignoring the protests his body was making. The light looked bigger for each step he took and that urged him on.  
He was practically asleep on his feet right now; his body seemed to move on its own. He barely knew where he put his feet anymore, and that lead to what he had been dreading this whole time.

He fell and he fell hard; landing sprawled out on the damp forest floor. It must have hurt badly, but Merlin could barely tell. He was too tired to care.  
He lay with his eyes closed. This was nice. He hurt more than he ever had before, he was dizzy and exhausted. But still; the hard, bumpy, wet ground could not be more comfortable than even the most luxurious of beds. He sighed in approval.

"Merlin." Arthur's voice was heard soon after.

Merlin groaned loudly. "Go away, Arthur."

"Get up."

"No."

"Merlin…"

"No, Arthur," he said with a broken voice and tears found their way out through his closed eyes, "I can't. I just _can't_! I don't have any more strength left in me."

Arthur's voice fell silent and Merlin thought that he had finally left him alone. He relaxed once more and felt himself drift away towards sleep. But suddenly he was woken up from his near slumber by the voice again.

"If you have no more strength to hold yourself up, then have some of mine, my dear friend."

The light before Merlin shined brighter and he could feel the heat on his face, he slowly opened his eyes and the light stung in his eyes. He tried to shield from the light with his hands but once his eyes had adjusted to the brightness, he lowered the hand again. A large smile appeared on his lips and he laughed in relief when he saw an arm reach out through the burning glow towards him.

"Come," he heard Arthur say, "take my hand."

And with the last effort he could muster, Merlin reached up and Arthur wrapped his strong fingers around his weakened hand.

A smile could be heard in Arthur's voice. "Got you."

And Merlin knew no more.

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The next time Merlin opened his eyes, everything looked so warm and pleasant. He lay in a bed, more importantly his_ own_ bed. He yawned and stretched out his arms but a frown appeared on his face as he felt the soreness of his body.  
He sensed a presence at his right side and he turned his head towards it. There on a chair beside his bed sat a tired looking king, the _real_ one this time Merlin was very glad to see.

Merlin gave his friend a drowsy smile. "Hi, Arthur."

The king made a strange noise and looked like he was going to break down and cry. "It's good to see you awake again, my friend." he said with a smile and put his hand on Merlin's arm and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Merlin frowned. "What happened? How did we get out from the forest?"

Now it was Arthur's turn to frown. "Forest?" he asked. "What are you talking about?"

"We were in a forest just now, don't you remember, Arthur?" he asked. "It was wet and dark, and another you were there, and some strange shadow creatures with white eyes as well." Merlin looked up at Arthur's blank face. "You can't have forgotten that already…"

"Merlin," Arthur said carefully, "you have been ill. We have all been very worried, you have had a dangerously high fever for a week now." he paused and swallowed. "We… were not sure if you would make it."

Merlin was speechless. He looked at Arthur; dark rings could be seen on his face and it seemed like it had been many nights since the king had been sleeping properly. And from what Arthur just told him, that was most likely the case. Merlin's eyes widened in realization; that Arthur probably had been sitting there at his side this whole time.

"I…I've been ill?" Merlin asked. "I was never in that forest?"

Arthur shrugged. "Maybe you were in a way. Gaius told me that fever dreams are usually quite vivid. You have been talking in your sleep and you moved around a lot." he said. "I took a few punches every now and then, you also kicked me right in the gut one time."

Merlin flinched. "Um, sorry…"

Arthur just waved away the apology with his hand. "Don't worry about it. You punch like a girl."

Merlin sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. "It felt so real." he said. "And I was so scared and so, so _weak! _I tried so hard to fight through it all, though. You told me to keep going."

"I did?" Arthur asked with a smile.

"Yes," Merlin said, smiling a little, "you would not let me give up."

Arthur nodded. "Of course would not let you, stupid." he said and after a pause he continued. "I talked to you while you were sleeping, you know. I don't know if you heard any of it, though." he chuckled, feeling embarrassed. "I have been here every day and night as much as possible. I tried to not be away from you too long." he said. "The knights and Gwen and Gaius have been here as well of course, constantly going in and out. I- we all have been very worried."

Merlin winced. "Sorry… again."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Only you would apologies for being sick."

Merlin smiled and put his left hand on Arthur's own that still rested on Merlin's right arm. "Are you all right?" the warlock asked softly, studying the king's tired face.

Arthur chuckled with tears in his eyes. "I am the one who should be asking you that."

Merlin grinned happily. "I'm fine now." he answered. "More than fine."

Arthur nodded. "Yeah, me too." he said. "Welcome back, my friend."

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_**The end**_

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That's it folks!  
I hope you like it!  
Sorry for mistakes XD**  
**Thanks for reading and reviews are highly appreciated! You guys give me the motivation to keep writing :)

Oh and a kind of continuation to Lost is up now! Takes place the same time as this story but from Arthur's point of view.

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/Eressie**


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